Harry Dresden

"Hoss!"

"Sir?" Harry responded without opening his eyes.

"Hoss, someone seems to have finished off my turkey," McCoy said slowly. "And my pie."

"Must have been the gremlins," Harry muttered. "Don't look at me."

"There are no gremlins on my farm, boy. Only unruly apprentices."

"Growing apprentices," Harry clarified.

"Growing around the middle," McCoy grumbled.

"I learned from the best sir," Harry's eyes were open now and he glanced pointedly at McCoy's midsection. "Besides, sir, I did it for your own good. Sacrificed my physique to save you having to buy a larger pair of overalls."

And that was how Harry came to be standing in the kitchen up to his elbows in dishes. He wasn't sure how there were so many dishes to do when they'd only been eating leftovers for days, but somehow McCoy kept finding more.

"Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, you overgrown idiot, happy birthday to youuuuu."

Bob's singing, if it could even be properly termed that, had been going on the entire day. Harry wasn't exactly a big fan of his birthday even without singing of dubious quality. With the so-called singing, the day had been less than enjoyable.

"Bob. You really want to celebrate my birthday?"

"I do Dresden, I do," the skull answered excitedly. "Want me to go get you a stripper? A hooker? A drunken college student?"

"No Bob," Harry answered through clenched teeth. "I want you to stop your damn singing."

Bob grinned widely in spite of his lack of lips.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU"

Harry growled, turned on his heel and stormed out of his room.

"SHOULD HAVE LET ME GET THE STRIPPERS! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU."

[Establishy, as per usual with Harry the Hermit.]

Harry had been back in the Ozarks for a month now. He was enjoying the quiet.

Quiet was, of course, a relative term. Particularly when you lived with a talking skull.

"Dresden!" said talking skull snapped. "I am bored, Dresden. And this is all your fault. You could have gone to college with all the coeds. Or Los Angeles with the blonde detective chick. But no. You had to come back here. Of all the places in the world Dresden, this is really where you picked?"

"The answer isn't going to change no matter how many times you ask, Bob."

"Please Dresden," the skull said, "don't crush my last shred of hope. My heart just can't take it."

"You're a SKULL," Harry said, tossing a balled-up sock at him. "You don't have anything even close to a heart."

"Maybe it's a good thing you're back here," Bob said. "You'll never survive in the real world taking everything so literally. Really, it's unbecoming in a wizard."



[Harry's in Missouri for right now. There is probably an old and cranky phone (answered by an old and cranky wizard?) that might even work should anyone want to call.]

It hadn't taken Harry long to pack up his things. He didn't have that much. And while the idea of leaving Bob behind for his roommate had been tempting, Harry wouldn't ever really abandon the skull. So he was waiting at the end of the causeway for Ebenezar and his truck with a pile of his things, with Bob sitting on top.

"You squandered your opportunities here Dresden," the skull admonished. "All the nubile young women and what did you do? You acted like a hermit. Have I taught you nothing over the years?"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," Harry replied, rolling his eyes. "Heard it all before Bob. I'm a terrible excuse for a teenage boy. Blah blah blah."

"Won't you at least consider college?" Bob pleaded. "Think of the coeds, Harry. Think of the coeds! Think of me. And the coeds. The naked coeds. The drunken coeds. Just think man!"

"I could still leave you here," Harry pointed out. "Just leave you lying here on the causeway to get chewed on by wild dogs."

"There aren't any wild dogs around here," Bob pointed out. "And leaving me here with the teenage girls isn't exactly punishment. Better than going back to the middle of nowhere with only you and the old coot for company."

"You're right," Harry said. "As much as it pains me to ever admit that. So I guess I do have to bring you with me. Make you suffer a little bit."

"Me and my big bony mouth," Bob sighed.

Harry smirked and went back to waiting for the truck. Which he hoped would arrive soon, because Bob was threatening to start reciting limericks.


[Harry, his lack of icons, his hermity ways, and his talky skull are off to Missouri and then probably Chicago although he might go to LA at some point too. Establishy unless someone wishes it to be otherwise.]

Harry Dresden had gone to sleep as normal Thursday night.

Harry Dresden woke up Friday morning not at all as normal.

Yes, waking up to Bob's babbling was normal.
"Dresden! Dresden! Dresden! Wake uuuuuuuup Dresden."

"Shut up Bob," Harry said, voice muffled by the pillow his face was buried in. "I'm sleeping. Growing wizards need their sleep."

"You're already overgrown," Bob said cheerfully. "But maybe this was beauty sleep. Maybe you've been getting too much beauty sleep, Dresden. You should wake up and check. Make sure."

That sounded suspicious and definitely not normal to Harry, who rolled over to glare suspiciously at the skull. The hair in his face was the first clue.

"Good morning miss Dresden!" Bob said with a cackle. "Looking good!"

"Oh hell's bells. Not again," Harry groaned and slammed the pillow back over his face.

Bob continued with his evil laugh for a few minutes before offering a list of suggestions for Harry. Things he might have neglected to do with his girlie body the last time around. Harry pretended not to listen, but he might have been taking mental notes. He'd never admit that though.


[Establishy, but if you've got a reason to come by and you don't mind extreme slowplay, feel free to stop by.]>

For once, Harry thought, his hermitude was probably an advantage. Hermiting meant he didn't see many people, which meant fewer opportunities for anything embarassing or awkward or awesome... to happen.

Of course, it also meant that he was cooped up in a room with Bob. Bob, who although body-less and therefore hormone-less, could put most teenage boys to shame on his good days. Bob, who was enjoying the island's current weirdness far too much.

"Dresden..."

"Shut up."

"But Dresden..."

"I mean it. Shut. Up."

"Look, all you gotta do is let me out. I'll go explore a little, maybe catch a show. Or six." Someday Harry might get used to the way Bob managed to leer without a proper face. Today was not that day.

"I am not letting you anywhere near anyone," Harry said. "The last thing this island needs is a sex-crazed spirit this week."

"I could investigate!" Bob said. "See if there are other sex-crazed spirits around."

"I should really keep you locked up anywhere where you can't bother anyone. Especially me. Maybe there's a safe or something somewhere," Harry mused.

"I get it," Bob said, managing a smirk. "You want me out of the way. I know you're too hopeless to be bringing any ladies back here, and let me tell you Dresden your lack of naked girls in this room might be considered a character flaw in some circles. So you must be hoping for some, ah, quality alone time."

Wordlessly, Harry stood up and grabbed the skull. Before Bob could muster a protest, he was buried deep in a pile of dirty laundry and Harry was out the door, muttering darkly.


[establishy, but if you want to catch him in the hall and molest him I'm not gonna stop you.]

Halloween was Harry's birthday.
Harry didn't make a big deal of this. Or a small deal. He made a non-existent deal of this, to be perfectly honest.

Except he had told one of the clowns wandering around that it was his birthday. He'd ended up with an armload of balloon cats.

When the cats came to life later in the day, Harry had taken far too much pleasure in helping them to meet violent and magical ends. He'd particularly enjoyed setting a blue one on fire, and then practicing his aim by hurling small pointy things at a green one. He'd even had the good sense, after the first one, to go outside to do this. Convenient that the balloon animals chased you. Harry was sure this wasn't the sort of magical practice McCoy had had in mind when he'd reminded Harry that he had things to work on. Harry didn't much care. It was his birthday, he was allowed to mess around a bit.

Later that night he returned to his room and flopped on the bed.

"Balloon animals attacked me," he told Bob. "Got'em from a clown, for my birthday."

"Clowns are creepy," the skull said.

"Almost as creepy as talking skulls," Harry agreed.

"Shut up, Dresden. Hey. Why aren't you out getting sweet birthday lovin'?"

Harry didn't have a good answer to that. So he opted instead for rolling over and feigning sleep. Bob wasn't falling for it, much to Harry's dismay.


[I am sleepy, so this is establishy unless someone wants it not to be, in which case it is slow until I wake up.]

Harry Dresden had been fairly lucky on Fandom so far. Sure, he'd had PMS the one time but that had passed quickly. Turning into a little kid had been fun. And he missed this past weekend's events entirely due to Ebenezar suddenly wanting to check up on him. Today Fandom, and Fate, were not so kind to Harry.

There was a muffled shriek from room 506 late Thursday morning. Followed by what was probably meant to be a curse in Latin, but Harry's Latin was hopeless and he'd probably said something about a kitchen sink instead.

"Dresden," the skull on the shelf said warningly, "I'm sleeping here." A pause while the skull's orange eye-lights grew very very large. "Wide awake now. YOU'RE A GIRL HARRY!"

"Hell's Bells, Bob," growled Harry, because this seemed as good an occasion as any to use the expression. "I noticed that!"

"Right, right, suuuuuure." Bob the skull tried, for about 1/10 of a second, not to laugh. Really he did. Then he gave up what was sure to have been a futile effort.

"SHUT UP!" Harry snapped, reaching threateningly for something, anything, heavy enough to smash a skull with. "This, this is not funny. This is...wrong. Just wrong."

The skull was practically howling with laughter now. "I. Love. This. Island."

There was a slamming sound as Bob was shut in the sock drawer. Harry then pulled the covers back up over his head and tried to drown out the laughter that was probably loud enough to be heard outside the building.


[Mostly establishy, though if you want super slowplay I'm happy to oblige. I just won't be home until about 5 EST (I think). Roomie can, of course, use room (and obnoxious skull) for his own nefarious purposes if he so chooses]

Harry had been a little creeped out by all the bugs yesterday. Bob, being Bob, had found this to be completely hilarious. He had in fact not stopped mocking Harry for yelping when he'd found the spiders in his bed.

"Dresden!"

"Don't wanna hear it Bob."

"Dresden, there's one on your back. It's HUGE."

"Bob, I'm not stupid."

"That's debatable. There's still a spider about to eat your head."

Harry rolled his eyes and turned away from the skull. "Whatever. I'm going outside. Better the bugs than you."

"Harry, it's on your back," the skull protested. "I'm not kidding."

Harry ignored him and headed out of the alcove towards the door.

It was then that a wee Stockman and his horse came galloping down the hallway. A few yells and whipcracks later, and the spider that had been clinging to Harry's shirt was no longer a threat.

Harry facepalmed. "Great. I've been rescued by a tiny cowboy..."

A loud "I told you so!" came from Harry's alcove. Harry sighed and went in search of a terrible romance novel to shut the skull up.



[Pretty much establishy, but don't let that stop you if you're compelled to comment]

Harry had planned on doing a little studying for math tonight. He figured it made sense, since he'd had class today and it would still be fresh in his mind.

Of course, Harry hadn't counted on the weetiny sheep. They were way more entertaining than math. Especially the sheep that had taken up residence on Bob's shelf.

"Dresden. DRESDEN! They're trying to crawl inside my eyesockets!"

Harry snickered and offered a cracker to a purple sheep on his desk.


[Door and post are open.]

Harry had had a good day. He'd eaten lots of junk food, he'd found a helmet for Bob and decorated it with lots and lots and lots of shiny stickers and sparkly things, and he'd played with a polar bear.

Now he was tired, so he was curled up in his bed.

"Tell me a story, Bob!" He grinned at the skull next to him, still in its shiny helmet.

"No way Dresden. I'm not your babysitter. Well, I try not to be."

"Pleeeeease Bob! I'll find you a new book!"

"Dresden, I am not interested in any of the Curious George crap you'd bring home. Go to sleep."

"Can't sleep. I need a stoooory! Pleeeease!"

Bob shook, well, himself. "No way. Not unless you promise to owe me big time once you're back to your normal self. Well, normal as you ever get.""

Harry thought about this for a minute. "I am normal! Um. I'll let you go out and play again if you tell me a story!"

Bob's eyes gleamed. "You'll let me out?"

Harry nodded. "Uh huh. Tomorrow. You can go out and play tomorrow." Weetiny wizards weren't as careful with their word choices as big wizards. Harry had no idea he'd just given Bob permission to leave his skull tomorrow. Bob was going to take full advantage of this.

"Okay Harry. Here's your story. Once upon a time, there was a tiny wizard named Harry. Harry had a friend named Bob. Bob was a fabulous, intelligent, amazing spirit. Harry wouldn't be able to get along without him..."

Harry giggled. He liked funny stories.

"As I was saying," Bob continued, "Bob was fabulous, and intelligent, and amazing and the hapless overgrown wizard who was now tiny for some unknown reason would he helpless without him. The normally freakishly tall but currently undersized wizard owed Bob a lot..."

The story continued on like that, even after Harry had drifted off to sleep. Bob liked to hear himself complimented, even when he was the one doing the complimenting.


[Alas, establishy since I'm about to crash. I took 4.5 hours worth of naps today, you'd think that would be enough sleeping. Roomie is of course welcome to use the room for his own purposes or to get another bedtime story.]

Harry was up early and bouncing on his bed. The usual Saturday sort of routine for a wee wizard. And if it was the usual routine, there had to be some tormenting of the skull on his shelf above the desk.

"Bob! Bob! Bobbobbobbob! WAKE UP BOB!"

The skull groaned and the orange lights in its eyesockets flickered briefly before going out again.

"Dresden, it's early morning. Go back to snoring."

"I don't snore Bob! BOB WAKE UP YOU STUPIDHEAD!"

The skull glared in Harry's direction for about half a second before it realized what it was seeing. "Dresden! Dresden WHAT DID YOU DO?"

"I bounced onna bed and I woke you up," Harry said, confused. "Didn't do anything else yet."

"Dresden...you're tiny. Not just your brain, all of you. What happened?" The skull might have sounded concerned, but it definitely sounded annoyed.

"I'm 6! I'm not tiny! I'm taller than you, stupid skull. And you're a meanie!"

The skull managed to turn itself to face the wall and then started knocking its bony forehead against said wall, a knock punctuating each word. "Only. You. Would. Do. This."

Harry frowned at the skull. "Told you I didn't do nothing! Go back to sleep. You're no fun!" Bored with his skull for now, the boy resumed bouncing on his bed. Beds were more fun than stupid old skulls anyway.

[Open if you like, though I may disappear for random periods of time.]

Harry had spent the entire day in bed, feeling miserable. His stomach hurt, his head hurt, he was cranky, he felt fat, and he was getting upset over the stupidest things. Basically, life for Harry was sucking today.

Bob wasn't helping. At all. In fact, Bob was wrapped up in a towel with a bunch of Harry's dirty socks right now. In the back of the closet. Harry would maintain that he deserved it, and he'd put up with a lot from that stupid insensitive skull today. "Stop being such a woman, Dresden," was the final straw. Really.

And now that Bob was banished to the closet, Bob's books were free. And if Bob was banished, he wouldn't know if Harry were to read them and have a good cry. He hadn't given in to the temptation yet, but there was a definite chance it would happen before the night was done.



[Mostly establishy because I'm going to sleep soon, but the roomie could always tag in]

( Everything you might need to know about Harry. Or more. )

Like I said, sometimes I forget things. So feel free to ask about whatever.